Round 2 · Volume IV of the Folkman Tournament Record
Culinary Judgment & BBQ
An evaluation of two grown men, one of whom lives in Kansas City.
Bentley
VS
Parker
Tale of the Tape
Bentley
Metric
Parker
Medium-rare
Steak Doneness Preference
Well-done (admitted)
N/A
BBQ Tenure in KC
<5 years, still claims local status
0
Condiment Crimes (annual)
Ongoing investigation
Habanero
Spice Tolerance Ceiling
Medium salsa
Hypothetical, favorable
Independent Judge Endorsements
One judge left the cookout early
87/100
Pizza Topping Reasonableness
Rated "war crime"
Film Breakdown
Breakdown — pending primary source
[I need from you: Parker’s actual signature dish, if any; any famous Parker cookout incidents; what he claims about his BBQ skill in family group texts; whether he's tried to enter any local competitions.]
The Institute holds this section open pending the Founder's submission. The verdict is unaffected.
The Numbers
- FIG BBQ Quality vs. Time Spent Living in Kansas City (Evidence chart #10) — embedded.
- FIG Steak Doneness Histogram (from Food category options) — supporting chart.
Chart plates render in The Numbers. Final specs pending.
The Receipts
- Yelp Review from BBQGuy_KC_4eva (pulled from Testimonials).
- AI-edited photo of Parker proudly displaying a charred unidentifiable object on a plate. (Exhibit 12 — pending)
Bentley wins. Subject P.'s residence in the Kansas City metropolitan area should, statistically, have produced measurable improvement in his culinary output. It has not. The Institute extends sympathy to his guests.
