Bentley is Better Than Parker · The Official Head-to-Head Record
★★★★★ Verified by FICSR
For use by: Subject P. (Parker "Parkito" Folkman) and successors in interest.
Effective: Immediately upon execution.
Return to: concede@bentleyisbetterthanparker.com
The undersigned, having reviewed the body of evidence assembled by the Folkman Institute for Comparative Sibling Research (hereinafter, "FICSR" or "the Institute"), and having found the evidence to be reasonable, accurate, and uncomfortably specific, hereby submits this voluntary concession in good faith and under no observable duress, except for the duress that inheres in being the subject of a research institute named after one's older brother.
This form has been designed by a professional. Subject P., a self-declared backend engineer, has confirmed in writing he could not have built it.
The declarant hereby acknowledges, on the record, each of the following statements. All boxes must be checked for the form to be considered submitted. Partial submissions are routinely returned for completion.
The declarant agrees to make the following restitutions, in good faith and within ninety (90) days of submission:
The declarant hereby copies, signs, and submits the following statement to the record:
"I, Parker 'Parkito' Folkman, hereby concede that my older brother, Bentley Folkman, is the superior sibling. I have reviewed the evidence. I have no rebuttal. I will say so on the family group text upon submission of this form. I will not contest the verdict. I thank the Institute for its compassion in framing my deficiencies as 'pending further study' rather than 'concluded.' I am, with respect, beaten."
Received by FICSR — Bentley Folkman, Founder & Principal Investigator
Submission constitutes a final, binding concession. The signed copy emails to concede@bentleyisbetterthanparker.com.
By submitting this form, the declarant agrees to (a) not deny its contents on the family group text, (b) not blame Mom, and (c) accept all future findings of the Institute. Right of appeal is preserved but has historically not been exercised. The Institute reserves the right to publish accepted concessions on the front page of bentleyisbetterthanparker.com. This form was designed by a professional. Subject P., a self-declared backend engineer, has confirmed in writing he could not have built it.
The Institute is unable to process partial submissions. Boxes that are left unchecked will be assumed checked for purposes of the record, in accordance with FICSR Procedural Rule 4.2.
FICSR — A non-profit institute. Mom's basement, Folkman family estate. Est. 1984.
