Season Recap

Bentley Folkman is born. The first Folkman male. The original. The control group, retroactively. The Institute would not be incorporated for another forty-two years, but the longitudinal study begins, in effect, on this date.

For six hundred and eighty consecutive days, Bentley Folkman is the only Folkman child. There is no one to be compared to. There is no one to be better than. The Institute regards this period as scientifically interesting only in retrospect: it establishes the baseline against which all subsequent observations are measured.

At approximately age four, in his LDS Primary classroom, Subject P. informs his teacher that his nickname at home is a phrase that cannot be reproduced in an Institute document of this caliber. The teacher, alarmed, contacts his mother, Renae Folkman. She had not, in fact, given him the nickname. She has, in the intervening thirty-six years, continued to clarify the matter. The Institute regards this as the inflection point of Subject P.'s lifelong credibility profile.

At approximately age nine, Subject P. begins a sustained practice of bouncing his upper body against the back support of the family wingback chair while listening to music. The practice is initially treated as a phase by his mother. It is not a phase.

Across the approximately 2,900-day period, Subject P. is observed bouncing in the chair on a daily, occasionally twice-daily, basis. The Institute estimates 4,200 cumulative hours of upper-body impact against the wingback support. The chair is later moved to the basement on grounds of "structural concerns." The chair has declined further comment.

Concurrent with the chair-bouncing era, Subject P. begins demanding — and successfully enforcing — first-scoop privileges at family Sunday dinners with respect to jello-with-fruit. Siblings who arrive at the bowl first are required to return their portions. The Institute regards this as Subject P.'s earliest documented sequence-dominance behavior. The practice persists for fifteen years.

During the adolescent years in which most young people develop independent aesthetic preferences, Subject P. instead acquires curated mix CDs from his older brother. The CDs, hand-titled in Bentley Folkman's Sharpie on standard CD-R blanks, form the basis of every musical opinion Subject P. expresses to peers during this period. The CDs are rarely returned in original condition.

Bentley Folkman departs on a two-year LDS mission. During his absence, the Institute observes that no measurable improvement occurs in any Subject P. metric. The Institute concludes that proximity to the Founder is, while pleasant, not a precondition for the underlying superiority differential.

The Institute notes the addition of an external observer to the family ecosystem. Subsequent testimony from Andrea will be substantial. She also introduces the household nickname Parkito, which the Institute regards with neutral curiosity.

Subject P. accepts a Full Stack (Backend) Software Engineering role. He openly states, on record and in writing, that he cannot design user-interface experiences. The Institute regards this self-attestation as both helpful and devastating.

Subject P. attends a BYU football season opener wearing a BYU shirt. When called upon, he is unable to name the head coach. He identifies a kickoff as a fake punt. The fan in Section 134 in the row behind him files testimony with the Institute.

Subject P. moves to the KC metro. He has, at no point in the subsequent five years, produced BBQ output meeting the regional baseline. The Institute logs each cookout as a separate observational event.

Subject P. enters a 7-Eleven convenience store with the family. He requires approximately thirty (30) minutes to select a single candy bar. The family waits in the vehicle. He emerges with a Kit Kat (or comparable item). No apology is offered. The Institute logs the event as Phase III: Paralysis, in the broader Originality & Authenticity record.

Following four decades of unstructured but consistent observation, FICSR is formally established with a website, a board of directors, a downloadable Press Kit, and a Concession Form. The opening of the Institute is announced via the family group text. Subject P. is notified.