Bentley is Better Than Parker · The Official Head-to-Head Record

B vs P BENTLEY vs PARKER Bentley is better. Here's the head-to-head record.
The Film Room · Volume II

The Awkward Phase

1990–1998

The middle childhood years. Wood paneling. Proton packs. The chocolate-face incident. The record grows denser and the comedy, regrettably for Subject P., self-documents.

The Chocolate-Face Crime Scene

c. 1989
Two boys with chocolate-smeared faces on top of the kitchen table

Field note

Note the absence of supervision in this frame. Note the structural violation — table-as-furniture versus table-as-seating. Note that both subjects appear unbothered. The Institute presents its earliest documented evidence of joint Folkman male misadventure. (The Founder concedes joint participation. The Founder maintains he was the better-behaved of the two and notes he is not the one this website is about.)

FICSR REPLAY INTO EVIDENCE CONFIRMED

Basement Air Hockey, final score pending

early 1990s
Two boys playing air hockey in a wood-paneled basement

Field note

The brothers compete at the basement air hockey table. Bentley wears an Air Jordan t-shirt. The score is not preserved in the photographic record, though the Institute is confident it can reconstruct it. (See Doctored Evidence, Exhibit 16: "BENTLEY 7 — PARKER 0.")

OFFICIAL RULING FINAL BENTLEY WINS

The Proton Pack Era

c. 1990
Two boys with Ghostbusters Proton Pack toys, Christmas morning

Field note

Christmas morning. Both brothers receive Ghostbusters Proton Packs. Both wear them immediately. The Institute notes this as one of the few documented instances of fully equal treatment — equipment-wise — and observes that even when issued identical apparatus, outcomes diverged.

OFFICIAL RULING UNCONTESTED RECORD STANDS